Who is the real enemy of the Sikhs?

By Manjit Kaur (UK) | OPINION |

If we look at Sikh History, there are few occasions where Sikhs have lost a battle. Where this has happened, it is either due to poor leadership and/or divisions. If we look around today, we are seeing history repeating itself, where we have a combination corrupt leaders and followers that seem more concerned about their particular dera or jathebandhi, than what Guru Granth Sahib has to say.

Going to the Gurdwara has become ritualistic, and it seems when we go there, we are more interested in dominating the stage, than trying to create opportunities for the sangat (congregation) to participate in open dialogue about issues that are important to them. In truth, the committee should be encouraging members of the sangat to feel free to put their opinions. Of course, there is a responsibility on us all to behave in a civilised manner, which means speaking politely, listening to others and having an open mind. It also means we should not just think about our own needs, but also think about the needs of others.

Encouraging open dialogue will allow us to confront the real issues, but we also know the truth can be bitter, it can hurt. In the long term, though, it is only by facing up to the truth can we hope to learn and improve. There can be many reasons why we deny the truth, but the most powerful reason is that we may be fearful of how people may react, that it will be embarrassing, that people might attack and turn against us.

Today we live in a social media age. We might have exacted now the truth can come out and the real issues facing the Panth and ordinary Sikhs might be discussed. Yes, we have seen some positive changes, and more people, especially women and young people are raising their voices. But sadly, most Panthic organisations, both here in the U.K. and in Amritsar, are dominated by old men, who show little interest in the real issues facing Sikhs. All they seem to be interested in is petty power politics, maintaining their ‘kursi’ or seats.

Gurbani says that “truth is important, but truthful living is even more important”, but sadly today, when I look at our so-called leaders, who should be positive role models, I am put off being more involved in Panthic matters.

Sometimes it feels safer just get on with your life and ignore the games that these people play. And one of those games is what we call ‘group think’ or ‘dhare bazi’. This is the practice of thinking or making decisions as a group, which can result in silencing of group members, poor quality decision making, and hostility towards other groups. I do wonder if the recent chaotic visit of the Akaal Takht Jathedar was itself a result of groupthink. I am sure if the organisers had involved the wider Sikh community, errors, like putting Gurbani on the statue or getting proper Covid-19 clearance for Harpreet Singh, could have been avoided. I sometimes think as a community we act first and think later, often when the damage has been done. That said, I do appreciate the courage that the organisers showed in apologising for their mistakes.

And it is this group think that I feel is the real enemy of the Sikhs. There is a saying, ‘united we win, divided we lose’, and this is so true. We are a minority community in all the countries where we live, but wherever we are, we spend most of our energy attacking each other. When we arrive in a new place, the first thing we do is build a Gurdwara, and then what do we do? The committee becomes divided, and a second Gurdwara appears, and then sometimes more. Because we are divided into so many groups, we cannot move forward, and it’s a real shame because it is the sangat that suffers most, and their needs and issues are simply not recognised.

The question is how can we move forward? Here are a few suggestions:

First, we need to encourage free open thinking where we don’t fear facing up to the challenges, but that together, we can find solutions. Now, when Sikhs get together to look at issues, they simply end up in shouting at each other. They slip into parent-child roles and ignore behaving like adults. I think online zoom discussions can help promote openness and participation, but it doesn’t work for some elders.

Second, many of our arguments are about petty maryada/religious differences, which is a good example of groupthink. We should put our differences to one side and focus on the many more things we have in common. And we should focus our minds on Guru Granth Sahib and not what this or that Sant or leader says we should do.

Third, we need to work much harder at learning to respect each other, even if we disagree, and that means stopping the finger-pointing and constantly blaming others rather than concentrating more on ourselves. How do we speak to others? How do we react when somebody else has made a mistake, especially if they are from the ‘other group’? Rather than supporting and helping them, we clap and laugh, but one day, as the saying, ‘what goes around comes around!’

Fourth, we need to understand that people’s behaviours are shaped by many things, such as experiences of violence, trauma, loss, and separation; all these can impact how we react in situations. For example, aggression can be a cover for fear and low self-esteem, and therefore, we all need to get in touch with ourselves, and, as Gurbani says, try to ‘recognise the divine inside ourselves’. This can only happen if we confront our ego, which gives birth to destructive emotions, such as anger and attachment.

Fifth, we should not be too harsh on ourselves and others if/when we/they make a mistake. We learn by making mistakes, and most mistakes in life are not that serious. However, they can become serious if we repeatedly make the same mistake. So the trick is when we do make mistakes, to accept this and focus our minds on learning from the mistake. This requires humility and awareness.

Writing this short reflection and facing up to some hard truths has not been easy for me. It is painful to see the Panth so divided, and for my fellow Sikhs to have so much hate for each other. Perhaps this has always been the case and it is only because of social media that we have become aware of the conflict! But I do sometimes get quite emotional and upset when I see so much distrust, where our parcharaks (preachers) spend more time criticising other parcharaks, rather than focussing our minds on Gurbani. I sometimes think we treat others, non-Sikhs, much better than our fellow Sikhs, and perhaps we need to start to treat all with respect. And that means carefully choosing our words, not using social media to spread false rumours, to celebrate all our achievements, rather than only those from our group or dhara.

Now that the damage has been done, perhaps the starting point is ‘healing’. That means working hard to put Sikhi first and group/dhara second, it means stopping the gameplaying and behaving as mature adults and positive role models for the next generation. It means putting hate to one side and nurturing compassion. And in a social media world, understanding the hurt that we can cause without even knowing. So we must carefully chose our and expressions. It’s not that difficult, and even a few kind words and humility can make a massive impact on others.

Above all, it means we need to recognise the ‘enemy within’, us and our tendency to judge others harshly. So it means we must stop judging people and stop living in the past. We need to look forward, we need to understand the new generation, and we need to tap into their heads, their minds, and understand their needs. We need to make Sikhi and Gurbani relevant to their lives, the questions in their heads and the impact that new technologies are having on all kinds of social relations. If we fail, then sadly, I have to conclude, the Panth has a bleak future!

As for me, these are my own personal reflections and I know I will have made many mistakes. So please do take on anything that you feel is of value and ignore the rest. Bhul Chuck maaf ji.

Manjit Kaur, a UK-based therapist and counsellor, is a presenter of the 1 Show on Akaal Channel. She can be contacted via email at manjitkaur1show@gmail.com

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