Certainties in uncertainties

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By Ekankar Kaur | Opinion |

Ever since COVID struck the world, we have faced an unreasonable amount of uncertainties. We have watched the world around us revolve over night as we learnt how to deal with the idea of not having anything in our control. Nothing has been the same ever since.

One of the most difficult things we witnessed or should I say are witnessing through this time is the loss of people. It hits harder and feels heavier. A lot of us spent two whole good years at home, unable to see family and friends that were both near and far. Uncertain when the next time you’d be able to hug the person you love the most or even the idea of being able to sit in a room filled with people. It has left us with what I like to call uncontrolled uncertainties.

One of the biggest deep rooted reasons for overthinking and anxiety is the lack of control we have over our surroundings, present and future. Being unable to see what’s ahead of us triggers this emotion within us to feel helpless and lost. Having a set of uncertainties with zero control, leaves us with a lot of ‘what ifs.’

Now if there’s anything I have learnt in the last two years is that nothing is predictable anymore. You may have five whole good minutes with a person today and lose them the very next day, that’s out of our control. The uneasy pill to swallow from this is that a lot of uncertainties often requires acceptance. It’s such an easy word to use but such a difficult thing to do. Accepting what has, is and about to happen to you is never easy.

As I sit and write this away from home, I often find myself at a cross road with all the ‘what ifs’ in my life. What if this doesn’t happen, what if this is the last time I meet this person, what if I never get this chance again, what if I’m not doing the right thing, what if this is my last cup of coffee? All these scenarios I have created in my head are nothing but my own uncertainties. I waste so much of energy and time thinking about what is about to happen, instead of sitting down and accepting what has already happened. Guilty as charged!

It’s not easy to let go of this idea of having full control over your life. It’s even harder to accept these uncertainties. What I know for sure is that a lifetime is wasted thinking about these what if’s, when I could be manifesting my own positivity into the universe. I hope the next time I spend a relentless amount of energy overthinking, I channel that same energy into appreciating and accepting everything around me.

Today, I remember those who I managed to have a cup of coffee with, who I had late night dinners with, who I watched ridiculous movies with, who I had amazing conversations with, who held my hand through my darkest times, who shared a laugh with me, who crossed paths with me and are no longer in my life today. The only certainty I have now is that I will never get those moments again, but it’s okay, this is the part where I start learning how to accept.

My cuppa wisdom of the week: “I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.” ― Gilda Radner

My name is Ekankar Kaur and I share a strong passion for coffee and writing. With every sip of coffee, I find a train of thoughts running through my head. I’m currently the secretariat of EnKAURage, we run monthly activities as well as outreach programmes for Sikh youth women across Malaysia helping them with various issues. She blogs here.

* This is the opinion of the writer, organisation or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of Asia Samachar.

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Death should be the end (Asia Samachar, 19 April 2019)

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