By Surindar Kaur | Experience | Malaysia |
When life threw me lemons two decades, a marriage, and two young children after I had completed my secondary school education, I knew it instantly: I was in a do-or-die situation. Being a career woman right up till when I married, I decided to leave my job and become a full-time homemaker. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that not only were lemons thrown at me, but the lemons thrown were frozen beforehand. Thus, the impact was much greater and there I was, crippled!
Instantly I knew a drastic situation warrants drastic actions! I could have sat back and cried out blood but yet nothing would have changed. Losing one’s financial security and independence is indeed scary when you have a young family to feed and care for. But for a fighter I was and still am, enough of tears shed and pain endured. Drastic and unthinkable measures were required. I got up with such force and there was really no turning back. My family’s survival was of paramount importance. I needed to reach the stars.
Acknowledging that being armed with only a secondary school certificate was insufficient for ensuring my family’s survival, I did the unthinkable, but yet necessary. Already in my mid-thirties and with a young family in tow, I mustered up all my courage and registered myself for a professional diploma in early childhood education at University of Malaya (UM). As my younger child was barely a year old, my elderly mother was naturally very concerned. She asked: “How are you going to do it?” Not knowing it myself, all I could say was “Look ma, I myself don’t know how I am going to do it but one thing for certain is that I am going to do it”.
I recall to date two decades ago when my husband drove me from Taiping to Ipoh to board the earliest interstate bus to Kuala Lumpur for my first class at UM. I boarded the bus teary-eyed while my husband took our crying children to my mother’s house in Ipoh. I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing that day. That was the first day I was separated from my children. The pain and heartbreak were with me throughout my almost 3 hours journey. I still think of that fateful but necessary day that trajected my journey. Understanding that my journey was necessary to ensure my family’s financial security, my parents-in-law provided financial support by covering part of my tuition fee.
Immediately upon completion of my professional diploma, I registered for my bachelor in education programme. As a mature student, I was given the leeway to charter my own course structure. Studying alongside students almost half my age did not deter me. I’d register for 5 courses back-to-back to minimize my commuting from Ipoh to Kuala Lumpur thus reducing my expenditures. However, in some semesters I was not as fortunate. I have had to commute to and from Kuala Lumpur thrice a week! I could not stay there as my children needed me. Yes, that caused a huge hole in my pocket but a three-year programme was completed in two years instead, with half a year practical done in a small college in Ipoh. I was slowly but surely on the road to financial independence.
Moving on, never once turning back, I registered as a part-time student for my master’s in education while in full-time employment at a university college. Back to UM. My circumstances did not even allow me to stop and breathe. I had to just do it. For the sake of my family, and with the moral support from my husband and parents’-in-law, I ventured on. My pillar and epitome of strength, my mother, was alongside me with every step I took. I somehow knew that I would pursue my doctorate too.
Joining one of the top private universities in the country, I registered for my PhD as a fulfillment of requirements set by my varsity. Lady luck with me, this time around, I secured a scholarship in the form of MyBrain2015. Halfway through my journey, my pillar could not hold on anymore. She succumbed. My mother left for her heavenly abode. Devastated. I could not move on anymore. Drained of all my strength, I was on the verge of giving up. I recalled that my mother had bought me a dress earlier on. “This, you must wear for your graduation”, she had said then.
I mustered all my remaining strength once again and with the support from my supervisors, I moved on and finally graduated. This one is purely for you, mom. I dedicate my doctorate to my pillar of strength. Without her, I would never have succeeded in changing the circumstances surrounding me. Yes, the heat could have either softened the carrot or hardened the egg, but indeed the oolong tea became better because the very circumstances surrounding it were changed. Indeed, I am the oolong tea, the product of my very own circumstances.
To those who know me and the journey I embarked on, I’d like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your ardaas (prayers) and well wishes for the past two decades. Today, I am self-reliant once again. My late mother, late Bapoo Ji (father-in-law), and late Maa Ji (mother-in-law), thank you. I am truly blessed.
To those who caused me to undertake this journey, I would like to also thank you. Without you, I would never have embarked on this journey and realized my full potential. What doesn’t break you will certainly make you grow stronger. I just did!
To those who happen to know me and general readers, I’d pray all can get together to educate our children, both boys and girls. Bring them up well so that they’d emulate the oolong tea. Education is yours and yours only. No one will ever be able to take it away from you.
Surindar Kaur Gurmukh Singh (Phd), is an Assistant Professor at the Faculty of Arts and Social Science, Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman (UTAR), Kampar Campus. The writer may be reached at surindar@utar.edu.my
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(Asia Samachar, x 2023)
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