“Don’t trust too easily, especially men”

In this second of a three part series, Sabah-born DR JASBIANTE KAUR continues sharing trials and tribulations of a Sikh from a mixed parentage. She recollects about pursuing dentistry in India trip, her first trip to Amritsar, losing her mum to cancer and her personal lows. In the pitch of darkness, she hears a voice calling her to look up.

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Jasbiante Kaur (2nd from left) with her father Darshan Singh who partook the Khandey da Pahul Amrit in 1999, flanked by his wife and two other children. Left: The Kota Kinabalu Gurdwara at its official opening on Sept 27, 1924.

By Dr Jasbiante Kaur | Experience |

When it was time for pre-university, I went to Kuala Lumpur and it was here that Waheguruji  blessed me to meet the beautiful people of Niketan

Meeting other Gursikh women with dastaar made me immensely happy. I remember the times of samelans and sanggat programs where we would sit together and sing keertan and do Naam Simran at the top of our lungs! Hours and hours from Rehraas to sunrise! It was where my love for Saas Saas Simran and gatka (Sikh martial art) grew. My soul was brought to heights unknown to me. Immense bliss and happiness to be with people who love Waheguruji. 

My time for university came at 19 and was blessed to go to Tamil Nadu, India to study dentistry.

Before going to India, Veer Jaswinderpal Singh (fondly called Jessy) taught me how to clean, sharpen and polish my Sarabloh Shasters and how to respect them. He gave me a thick and heavy Sarabloh Kara, a small Katar to hide in my dastaar and a sharp knuckle punch. His advice to me was “Don’t trust too easily … especially men.”

I stayed a night in SNSM Sabha House in Kuala Lumpur before departing for India. Ardaas was done to ask Guruji to protect me as my heart felt fear of the unknown. Gurujis Hukumnama came to me: “Aukhee Gharee Na Daykhan Deh, Apnaa Birdd Samhaley. Haath Deh Raakhey Apnay Kou, Saas Saas Pritpaaley.”

Tears filled my eyes, holding my luggage and marching to India, fearless.

On my first two-week university holiday in December 2008, it was my wish to go for yatra of the first three Takhts in Punjab. My first destination was Harmandir Sahib, Amritsar.  No one was with me, everyone had left to go back to Malaysia. I was single woman, passport holder on a student visa travelling from Salem, Tamil Nadu to Punjab on a budget.

PART 1: You will never walk alone

PART 2: “Don’t trust too easily, especially men”

PART 3: Some eyes refused to meet mine

Smartphones didn’t then. I spoke broken Punjabi and terrible Tamil. There were two maps of India, a Punjabi English, Tamil English dictionary and a Nokia 3310 phone. Being on a student budget, my options were train rides, bus rides, bullock cart and tuk-tuk cars.

I remember collecting some beach sand from a construction nearby, polished each shastar given to me while listening to Chandi Di Vaar. Then came sharpening my 12-inch kirpaan in the girls dorm while reciting Japji and Chaupei Sahib, making sure it was sharp enough to cause internal organ damage in one strike. Placing the katar and a smaller kirpan in my Dastaar, wearing my 12-inch kirpaan with the heavy Sarabloh Kara on my left hand, standing up  with my heart pounding for Ardaas.

Humbly asking Guruji to send Shaheedis to protect me on my journey.  Mai Bhago ji and Mata Saheb Kaur ji’s image appeared before me in Ardaas sending shivers down my spine.

My humble supplication: if Waheguruji were to take my life in this journey, it was His will. Hence my life would have been lived purposefully. Giving the loudest war cry Jaikara, I exited my dorm with my huge luggage, confident and sure there were Shaheedis by my side. 

A scene from the Bundu Tuhan Samelan 1997 – 1998, held at the foot of Mt Kinabalu at Bundu Tuhan in Ranau, Sabah. I see the youth vibrant and very involved in the activity. Everyone just admiring each other, looking up to and listening attentively our bhenjis, led by Andreeta Kaur. – Photo: Sourced by Jasbiante Kaur

The train and bus rides to Punjab took over 24 hours. Here I was, standing in front of Harmandir Sahib, tears in my eyes. I was HOME. There were many guides aware of my trip: my father, Pauji Serjit, Pauji Raja, Jija Pritam, Veer Jessy, and many beautiful guides Waheguruji would send along the way.

Waheguruji’s watchful eyes, the presence of my Gurus and Shaheedis were undeniably protecting me through the journey. Miracle upon miracles happened throughout my journey. 

My two years in India was magic and miracles beyond words. 

THIRD YEAR, PENANG

For the third year in dentistry, I continued my studies in Penang, Malaysia. However, at 23, my challenge began.

When the time of challenge and suffering comes, we must walk it through until Waheguruji says it’s done.

Facing with health, financial, personal and family issues, by the will of Waheguruji, suffering was my companion, followed by depression, mental torture and anxiety. Feeling separated from Guru and Sanggat, my heart felt immense pain from within and years went by.

Jasbiante Kaur (far right, white dupatta) at the Melaka Sant Sipahi Camp organised by Niketan in December 2008. Joining the Naam Simran Semagam.

A window of happiness was when I met my husband-to-be and married at 30 and having two beautiful children. 

Then grief became a friend when we lost many family members to Covid, the risk of loss of income, losing my mother to cancer, and then losing a child brought me to my knees. 

Grief and suffering are holy teachers that come to show you who you truly are. At that point, deepest sorrow and deepest pain was my liberation.

In the pitch darkness. The calling voice told me to “look up, look up, look up..” and  there is Light above me. For there is nothing lower, and nothing higher, than the obliteration of the ego self. 

In the mercy of Your feet Waheguruji, we are small. You are Great, Benevolent and Merciful. Waheguruji’s hand saved me from the pit of darkness and showed me LIGHT.  

Waheguruji showed me what it truly means to say:

“Dukh Daruu, Sukh Rog Bheaa, Ja sukh Tam na hoee”
“Tu Karta Karna, Mai Nahee, Ja hau keri na hoee”

Through these sacred and powerful years of suffering, You, the sanggat, never left me. There would be frequent dreams of hearing distant prayers of people asking “Where are you?” There would be semagems in my dreams where Veerji Rashvinder’s glowing face would say  “Come, sing  with me.” Sometimes, Veerji Dheeraj would be passing by in his majestic bana and shaster filled Dumala. Occasionally, the Panj Pyare would be present, dressed in simple shirt and slacks, smiling at me as I serve degh to them. The many bhenji and paujis will be present in beauty. The calls from within never stopped. Thank you for all your prayers.

TIME TO FLY

It is heard form within..

“It is time. It is time to come home, no more hiding. It Is time to fly.”

Early 2024, we had planned to come to the Annual Gurmat Parchaar Samelan. Saving up for the trip for 4 people from Tawau, Sabah to Kuala Lumpur was a challenge, but we got through. It was important for my children to meet and experience the sanggat as well. 

It was while treating a patient that news came to me that Veerji Sukhinderpal Singh has just passed away. It had been too long. We had planned to see him in samelan this year, present my kids to him, have him lovingly slap my face for not coming to samelan for too long. 

When I reached home, my heart cried in regret and pain. My heart went into grief again. A beautiful bird with a very prominent pink beak visited my home that day. Its prominent beak reminded me so much of Veerji’s beautiful prominent nose. This bird stayed a while in my house but passed away the next day. Reminding me, it is Waheguruji’s will. Life and death are in His hands.

Just a few months later, Father ji [Dr Jasbir Singh] passed on. My heart felt so heavy with shock and grief. Father ji had visited Sabah many times. He would sit right in front of the keertan stage and would listen to Keertan and Katha with eyes closed and a face glowing like a lamp. 

I was 15 years old when, after singing keertan, Fatherji met me outside and patted my head saying “Keep on doing keertan seva, Betty, keep on singing. You have a beautiful voice.” To a young Sabahan teen like me, his words of inspiration fired me to sing more.

I attended his saskaar (cremation) in Kuala Lumpur. Tears flowed as both Veerji Sukhinderpal ji and Fatherji embraced in Waheguruji’s Light. Their passing was like a solemn celebration. With one end in tears, grief, loss and the other end in trumpets, nagaras, celestial music and angels singing in Waheguruji’s light welcoming them home.

KEEP A LOOK OUT FOR PART THREE.

RELATED STORY:

You will never walk alone (Asia Samachar, 18 Jan 2024)

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