Dramatic new video shows the moments before a man waving a machete near Crypto.com Arena in downtown Los Angeles was fatally shot by police.
By Asia Samachar | United States |
Dramatic new video shows the moments before a man waving a machete near Crypto.com Arena in downtown Los Angeles, US, was fatally shot by police. The incident happened on July 13.
Officers responded to Figueroa Street and Olympic Boulevard just after 9 a.m. after receiving reports of a man in the middle of the street waving a machete, reported KABC.
The 911 callers said the man – identified as 35-year-old Gurpreet Singh – had stopped his car in the middle of the intersection, got out and was swinging the machete at people.
In video shared on the Los Angeles Police Department’s YouTube channel, at one point, Singh appeared to cut his tongue with the massive knife.
“Officers gave multiple commands for Singh to drop the weapon,” according to the report, quoting unnamed police communication. “However, he failed to comply. Singh then returned to his vehicle, retrieved a water bottle, and threw it at the officers.”
Singh then took off in his car, waving the machete outside the driver’s side window, according to police. Police said officers then initiated a brief pursuit in which Singh “drove erratically” and crashed with an officer’s vehicle. Singh stopped near Figueroa and 12th streets and charged at the officers with the machete, according to police. That’s when gunfire erupted, according to the report.
ASIA SAMACHAR is an online newspaper for Sikhs / Punjabis in Southeast Asia and beyond. You can leave your comments at our website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We will delete comments we deem offensive or potentially libelous. You can reach us via WhatsApp +6017-335-1399 or email: asia.samachar@gmail.com. For obituary announcements, click here
Santokh Singh (left) presenting a souvenir to Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi on behalf of the KDM in 2008, flanked by (from left) Prof Chatter Singh, Dheer Singh and Dr Sarjit Singh – Photo: Awaaz 2007
By Santokh Singh Randhawa | Malaysia | Part 1 |
The arrival of the Punjabis to Malaya could be attributed to the fact that both Malaya and India were then under British rule.
The immediate cause of the arrival of the Punjabis, could be due to two factors, that is the unrest and war between the Chinese Clans of Ghee Hin and Hai San at the Tin Mine Areas of Larut and Matang near Taiping. The unrest was causing the British loss of revenue from the mines. The second was Captain Speedy, who was then Superintendent of Police in Penang.
Captain Speedy Tristram had earlier served in the region of Punjab in India and knew the ability and capability of the Punjabis in the field of armed forces and their loyalty and bravery in war. He proposed to the Authorities to bring in the Punjabis to contain the trouble at Taiping. In short, he went to Punjab (Lahore), and recruited 95 discharged para-military Punjabis and a handful of Pathans and on 29.9.1873, landed in Penang, Fort Cornwallis.
Wherever the Sikhs went, they brought along with them three things. One, their Sri Guru Granth Sahib ji; two, their language and three their culture. At one corner of Fort Cornwallis, the Sikhs were given a place to erect a small Gurdwara.
The para-military force proceeded to Taiping where they successfully contained the warring Chinese clans. They went on to build a Gurdwara at Taiping and incidentally, on 27.12.1903, established and registered the First ever Sikh Association in South-East-Asia, that is the Khalsa Diwan Mulkh Malaya (Khalsa Diwan Malaysia). Malaya was known as Mulkh Malaya to the Punjabis. For the next 50 years or so, this Association took care of Religion, Language, Culture and all political and communal affairs of the Punjabis in Malaya.
Soon, these paramilitary personnel began bringing in their families, relatives and friends. The Punjabi population began to grow. In the 1950s, it was estimated that there were over 300,000 Punjabis. Many returned before Malaya gained independence in 1957. Many migrated to other countries. Today it is estimated that there are about 110,000, scattered mainly in the Klang Valley, Selangor and Kinta Valley, Perak.
THE DIASPORA
The diaspora children needed education. Besides the official languages, English and Malay, they needed to master the Punjabi Language. Since the British needed the Punjabis in their armed forces, the British obliged opening up and providing facilities to learn the Punjabi Language. There were Vernacular Schools for the Chinese and Tamils. After 6 years of mother-tongue studies, the students moved to Government English Language Schools. There were Punjabi Language Vernacular Schools too. From the 1930s till early 1960s, there were 14 fully or partially aided such schools and over 70 private Punjabi Schools mostly attached to Gurdwaras.
In 1960, over 200 students sat for SRP (Form 3) Punjabi Paper and 97 students sat for SPM (Form 5) paper.
It is interesting to note that there was even a Boarding School set up by Khalsa Diwan in 1910 in Police Gurdwara at Kuala Kangsar, Perak. As the enrollment increased, it was shifted to Taiping. However, it closed in 1917.
Malaya gained independence in 1957. The Education Policy had a drastic change too. Punjabi Language, that was popular and solidly and eagerly supported by the British, was badly hit.
In 1964, under the Rahman-Talib Education Convention, the Punjabi language was dropped as an official Vernacular language. Thus began the decline.
First convocation of Panjabi teachers at the Grand Hotel Kampar on Aug 26, 2007 where 131 teachers received diplomas and 50 others received certificate of attendance – Photo: Awaaz 2007
Other factors that contributed to the decline was the decrease of the Punjabi Population, from over 300,000 to just over 100,000. Without the Government support, there were no Punjabi Language trained teachers. There were no graded and syllabus-orientated text books. There were no more special schools. No single structured body that governed the teaching and learning of the Language. Leaderless so to say. Above all, no funds. All went zero.
One fortunate factor retained by the Ministry of Education was that the Form 3 and 5 Government Examination Punjabi Papers were not abolished. Otherwise, it would have been a total “close shop”. The students sitting for these papers had to privately prepare themselves. I was one such student.
During the British period, the examinations were under the control of the Cambridge University of England. The Punjabi Paper was set by the Punjab University and sent to England and the Cambridge University then forwarded it to Malaysia.
THE DECLINE
Without the Government’s backing, the decline was a foregone conclusion and as a result in 1992, only 16 students sat for the Form 3 paper and 8 for the Form 5 paper.
There was another blow when in 1993 the Government decided to drop the Form 3 Punjabi paper, with the intention that eventually Form 5 paper would also be dropped.
This was an awakening call for the community. Khalsa Diwan Malaysia (KDM), Sikh Naujawan Sabha Malaysia (SNSM) and other societies protested. As a result, the Government restored the Form 3 paper in 1996 with a warning that if the numbers do not increase, it will not hesitate to drop it again.
Looking back, I remember that there have been seminars, conventions and discussions by various organisations all over Malaysia from 1964 onwards on how to overcome the decline of teaching and learning of the mother-tongue. There were many ideas and proposals, but they always ended without any solution as there were no “takers”, that is no one to “bell the cat” so to say. This gigantic problem needed a gigantic solution.
Punjabi language teacher course in Ipoh – Photo: PETM
I remember one such effort in 1988 by the then President of National Union of Teachers (NUT), S Gurnam Singh of Muar. He was also at that period, the Vice President of the International Federation of Free Teachers Union of Asia. He got funds from it to hold a seminar on the minority language i.e. Punjabi, focusing on its decline in Malaysia. This was held from 13 to 15 August 1988 at Genting Hotel at Genting Highlands. As an active member of the Union, I participated as a facilitator. All prominent Punjabi Leaders were invited to attend. Among them were Master Daljit Singh, Giani Inder Singh Gill, S Amar Singh BABT, Giani Mahinder Singh Sarur and Giani Mahinder Singh Chakravarti. High quality discussions were held and at the end, the same question remained…..who was to take up the challenge.
This Seminar left a long-lasting effect on me and it was here that I made up my mind, that I will take up the challenge to the revival of the teaching and learning of the Punjabi language in Malaysia.
When I retired in 1997, I had two options before me. One was to remain as Chief Executive Officer of Kota College in Ipoh (appointment immediately as I retired), OR, the second was to devote my remaining life to take up the challenge to revive the Punjabi language. I chose the second.
ASIA SAMACHAR is an online newspaper for Sikhs / Punjabis in Southeast Asia and beyond. You can leave your comments at our website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We will delete comments we deem offensive or potentially libelous. You can reach us via WhatsApp +6017-335-1399 or email: asia.samachar@gmail.com. For obituary announcements, click here
ASIA SAMACHAR is an online newspaper for Sikhs / Punjabis in Southeast Asia and beyond. You can leave your comments at our website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We will delete comments we deem offensive or potentially libelous. You can reach us via WhatsApp +6017-335-1399 or email: asia.samachar@gmail.com. For obituary announcements, click here
Raj and Nim on their wedding day (right). We’re now all living in our own house after moving in together in 2020 (Picture: Raj Singh Rainu)
By Raj Singh Rainu | Metro UK |
My wife Nim passed away from cancer shortly after our 10-year wedding anniversary in 2018.
She was 34 at the time and I was 33. I never imagined planning my wife’s funeral at that age. I said in my eulogy: ‘You never expect to be carrying your wife into the crematorium.’
Nim first started getting pain in her chest and stomach in March 2017, and after losing a lot of weight, her GP referred her to a consultant. At the end of January 2018, we finally got the results of her biopsy but it was the worst possible news.
We spoke about how she wanted the children to be brought up, how she never wanted them to forget her. We spoke about her funeral wishes and she didn’t have any preference.
…..
And then I met Parm in 2019. I’d started writing articles on LinkedIn about being a single, widowed dad and in one of them I’d written about the difficulty of taking my daughters to the bathroom on holiday. I wasn’t sure whether I should take all three of them into the ladies’ bathroom, or if I should leave two of them.
Parm messaged me, commenting on that article. She said I was amazing for what I was doing for the kids. She wanted a will because she was divorced and wanted to protect her assets so we arranged to meet.
It was a friendship first. She lived in Oxfordshire but was visiting a relative in the Midlands, so we decided to meet off the M40 motorway at a country pub. We hit it off immediately.
…..
I received a lot of backlash from certain people and online. Quite a few fake profiles were set up to troll me. These people disapproved of my relationship because apparently it was too soon. No one has lived my life and they have no idea what the kids and I have been through.
Today, these people talk to Naveen, Avaani and Veerun but don’t want anything to do with me. And that’s OK.
We’re now all living in our own house after moving in together in 2020. Parm has three girls, and I’ve got two girls and a boy. It’s absolutely manic but we love it.
ASIA SAMACHAR is an online newspaper for Sikhs / Punjabis in Southeast Asia and beyond. You can leave your comments at our website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We will delete comments we deem offensive or potentially libelous. You can reach us via WhatsApp +6017-335-1399 or email: asia.samachar@gmail.com. For obituary announcements, click here
Gurdwara Kartarpur Sahib has not been spared by the massive flooding on both sides of the India-Pakistn border.
The key gurdwara at the west bank of River Ravi marks the village where Guru Nanak spent last 18 years of his life.
Army troops, in coordination with local administration, were working to evacuate around 200 to 300 people who were stranded in Kartarpur, according to state-run Radio Pakistan.
In Pakistan, the Punjab state government has called in the army in six districts to assist civil authorities in rescue and relief operations, while the Chenab, Ravi and Sutlej rivers faced “exceptionally high” flood early on Wednesday.
Punjab is facing an unprecedented flood emergency due to a combination of heavy rains and India’s decision to release water from two dams. Both countries have been ravaged by intense monsoon rains and flooding in recent weeks, reported The Dawn.
ASIA SAMACHAR is an online newspaper for Sikhs / Punjabis in Southeast Asia and beyond. You can leave your comments at our website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We will delete comments we deem offensive or potentially libelous. You can reach us via WhatsApp +6017-335-1399 or email: asia.samachar@gmail.com. For obituary announcements, click here
Devastating floods in Panjab – Photo: Videograb from Khalsa Aid
By Asia Samachar | Panjab |
Panjab has been thrown into deeper flood crisis, with swathes of farmland in places like Kapurthala submerged under floodwater, as heavy rainfall in their catchment areas continues to swell the Sutlej, Beas and Ravi rivers.
Schools have been ordered to close from one to three days in Jalandhar, Hoshiarpur, Pathankot, Amritsar, Gurdaspur, Fazilka and Ferozepur, with their district administrators issuing evacuation advisories to flood-hit villages as waters continue to rise.
The release of surplus water from the Pong, Bhakra and Ranjit Sagar dams has compounded matters, inundating large swathes of farmland and villages in districts located along the three rivers, reported Hindustan Times.
The Majha region, comprising Pathankot, Gurdaspur, Amritsar and Tarn Taran districts, and flanked by all three rivers, is bearing the brunt of the flood havoc.
Due to continuous rainfall in the hilly and plain areas over the past few days, the Ravi river, Ujh river, Jalaliya, Chakki, various canals and drains flowing through Pathankot district have been running beyond capacity, the report added.
The situation is equally dire for Panjab, Pakistan, with close to 150,000 people have been evacuated so far from flood-prone areas like Bahawalnagar, Kasur, Okara, Pakpattan, Bahawalpur and Vehari.
A devastating monsoon season marked by record rainfall, glacier melt, and widespread flooding has exposed Pakistan’s extreme vulnerability to climate change. The “high flood” warnings this week have put Punjab on high alert and prompted mass evacuations in various places, reported The Dawn.
Separately, a warning of “extremely high flood levels” was issued for the Sutlej River, state media PTV reported, adding that the water level in the river reached 195,000 cusecs.
A day earlier, Punjab Chief Minister Maryam Nawaz issued orders to evacuate the people living in areas around rivers and low-lying regions, while the Ministry of Climate Change predicted heavy rains in Gujranwala, Gujrat, and Lahore divisions “with a high risk of both riverine and urban flooding”.
ASIA SAMACHAR is an online newspaper for Sikhs / Punjabis in Southeast Asia and beyond. You can leave your comments at our website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We will delete comments we deem offensive or potentially libelous. You can reach us via WhatsApp +6017-335-1399 or email: asia.samachar@gmail.com. For obituary announcements, click here
Kelvin Kaur Dhillon bags Mrs Elite Earth 2025 title on Aug 24, 2025 – Photo: Shanno Randhawa
By Asia Samachar | Malaysia |
Kelvin Kaur Dhillon emerged as the winner of the Mrs Elite Earth Malaysia 2025 title at the Supermodel Universe International Grand Gala Crowning Night held in Kuala Lumpur on Saturday (August 23).
A first-time contestant, the former stewardess also swept three subsidiary awards — Best in Catwalk, Best in Evening Gown, and Most Eloquent — making her victory even more stunning.
Kelvin, who dedicated 12 years to her career as a cabin crew member with Malaysia Airlines, is married to Jasvir Singh, a councillor with the Bentong Municipal Council. The couple has a seven-year-old son.
Kelvin Kaur Dhillon bags Mrs Elite Earth 2025 title on Aug 24, 2025 – Photo: Shanno Randhawa
ASIA SAMACHAR is an online newspaper for Sikhs / Punjabis in Southeast Asia and beyond. You can leave your comments at our website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We will delete comments we deem offensive or potentially libelous. You can reach us via WhatsApp +6017-335-1399 or email: asia.samachar@gmail.com. For obituary announcements, click here
You touched every life with the warmth of your love, leaving a light that can never fade. Waheguruji blessed us with your smile, laughter and the joy you carried into every room. Rest in power, our handsome Jasveer Singh. Until we meet again, may you continue smiling among the stars and from the heavens above.
LEAVING BEHIND,
Paternal Grandparents:
Late Sardar Manmoon Singh Bhullar
Maternal Grandparents:
Late Sardar Pikan Singh Briana / Sardarni Gurdev Kaur (Nani)
ASIA SAMACHAR is an online newspaper for Sikhs / Punjabis in Southeast Asia and beyond. You can leave your comments at our website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We will delete comments we deem offensive or potentially libelous. You can reach us via WhatsApp +6017-335-1399 or email: asia.samachar@gmail.com. For obituary announcements, click here
A Sikh family reading scriptures as they mourn the passing away of a family member
By Dr. B. S. Bains | Opinion |
Life is a Divine Gift!!
“There is only One breath; all are made of the same clay; the light within all is the same. The One Light pervades all the Many and Various Beings.” ਏਕੋ ਪਵਣੁ ਮਾਟੀ ਸਭ ਏਕਾ ਸਭ ਏਕਾ ਜੋਤਿ ਸਬਾਈਆ ॥ ਸਭ ਇਕਾ ਜੋਤਿ ਵਰਤੈ ਭਿਨਿ ਭਿਨਿ ਨ ਰਲਈ ਕਿਸੈ ਦੀ ਰਲਾਈਆ ॥ (SGGS p. 96)
A marvel of creation that begins with the silent meeting of two cells and blossoms into a living being of infinite complexity. Yet, the very body that carries us through our joys, struggles and purpose eventually comes to rest. In that moment, we are faced not only with loss but with the question of how we honour what remains.
Across cultures, faiths and generations, humanity has shaped traditions for this final farewell — some simple, some elaborate, all carrying the weight of love and respect. This reflection explores why these last goodbyes matter, not only for the departed but for those left behind, and why honouring the Creator’s gift is a heritage worth preserving.
When life departs from the body, what remains is more than just a physical form — it is the shell of a unique and intricate creation, a masterpiece no human mind or hand could ever replicate. This extraordinary vessel begins its journey from the union of just two microscopic cells within the sacred womb of a woman. From that single union, a living being is shaped — cell by cell, organ by organ, the blood composition, functioning of the brain, the speech, the bones the muscles and ambulation milestone — This happens through a process so precise, so intricate, and so perfectly balanced that even the most advanced science struggles to fully comprehend it. This body is a mysterious vessel of countless wonders, holding within it questions that may be pondered for centuries yet never fully answered. And when life departs from it, the silence is profound. The once vibrant, living form returns to the bewildering elements of this earth, dissolving back into the very forces from which it was formed.
Across the world, every culture has developed its own way of honouring this “left-behind vessel.” These rites are not mere rituals; they are expressions of heritage, identity and collective memory. Why should it be wrong for friends and members of the community to come together to pay their final respects to someone who, in their own right, was a pillar in society?
In Northern India, including Punjab, for example, the body is bathed, clothed with dignity and the final blanket or shawl is placed on the deceased. It is not just symbolic — it’s a practice steeped in heritage brought down for generation, representing honour, gratitude and a gesture of respect both to the Creator and to the life lived.
Whether cremated or buried, across the universe the deceased are sent off with utmost respect. In Japan, families gather for a quiet wake before cremation, offering incense and words of gratitude. In parts of Africa, elaborate dances and music accompany the farewell, celebrating the individual’s contribution to the community. Among the Maori of New Zealand, the Tangihanga ceremony involves days of storytelling, song and communal mourning, keeping the memory alive through shared narratives. Balinese have the Ngaben ceremony, a: sacred cremation ritual for their deceased.
In Sikh tradition, the body is also treated as a sacred trust from the Creator — to be cared for in death as it was in life. The Antim Sanskaar (final rites) begin with bathing and dressing the deceased in clean clothing, often decorated and dressed with the Five Ks. Reading Gurbani at the deathbed isn’t just a ritual. It’s a source of solace for the living — a way to shift the mind from grief to spiritual reflection, as guided by the Guru. This by itself create a peaceful aura.
The Ardas, a collective prayer, is offered to thank the Almighty for the life granted and to humbly accept His will. The body is then cremated, signifying the return of the physical form to the elements, while the soul continues its journey.
Some scholars argue that the body, once life has departed, requires no rituals at all — that any preparation, dressing or ceremonial act is fruitless, a waste of time, effort and resources. From a purely physical perspective, they are correct: the deceased no longer perceives, feels or benefits from what is done to the lifeless form. In this view, elaborate rites serve no direct purpose for the one who has passed on.
Yet, there is another dimension — one that these arguments often overlook. The moment of death is not only about the one who has departed; it is equally, if not more, about those left behind. The family, friends and community are faced with a profound absence, an emotional wound that demands compassion, care and a respectful process of closure. The rituals, however varied in form across cultures, are a means of expressing gratitude for the life lived, honouring the Creator’s intricate gift of the human body, and providing comfort to grieving hearts.
A body, even when lifeless, is not an object to be discarded casually. It is the vessel that carried the soul through its journey on earth — a vessel that grew miraculously from the union of two cells, sustained breath by breath, heartbeat by heartbeat, for decades. To handle it with care, to bathe and dress it respectfully, to surround it with prayers and kind remembrance, is to acknowledge the sanctity of life itself.
For the living, these acts are not empty gestures. They are a language of love, a way of saying thank you and farewell in the same breath. They turn the pain of parting into a moment of dignity, uniting grief with gratitude. And while they may make no difference to the departed, they can make all the difference to the hearts that remain, helping them take the first step from sorrow towards peace.
Though customs differ in detail, their purpose is the same — to return the body to the elements with dignity to comfort the living, and to mark the passing meaningful. They remind us that while death is inevitable, the way we say our last goodbye is a reflection of our culture, our values, and the reverence we hold for the Creator’s gift.
In the end, I would like to say, it is not the grandeur of the ritual that matters, but the sincerity of the heart that performs it. Every final act of care — whether it is a prayer whispered, a shawl placed gently, a hand held in silence, or garland and wreath brought — is a reminder that the body before us once carried laughter, dreams, struggles, and love with dignity. We do not perform these rites because the departed can see them; we perform them because we can feel them.
The Creator’s gift returns to the elements, but the way we choose to let it go speaks volumes about who we are as people, as a culture and as a community. The last goodbye is not only a farewell to the departed — it is a reaffirmation of the respect, compassion and gratitude that make us human and remind us always that we shall be where we belong to in element and in divinity, disappeared into the thin air forever.
The Bible, too, spells out in Genesis 3:19, When God invokes this sentence on Adam and Eve “By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.”
Dr Balwant Singh Bains is a Malaysia-based kirtan enthusiast and a practicing physiotherapist with a chain of physiotherapy clinics.
ASIA SAMACHAR is an online newspaper for Sikhs / Punjabis in Southeast Asia and beyond. You can leave your comments at our website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We will delete comments we deem offensive or potentially libelous. You can reach us via WhatsApp +6017-335-1399 or email: asia.samachar@gmail.com.
Toxic relationships are not confined to one culture, one community or one kind of family. They exist in every corner of society, among friends, families, couples and even professional groups. But what makes them so difficult to recognise is that they often disguise themselves as loyalty, duty and belonging. On the surface, they appear supportive and secure. Who doesn’t like to be with family to celebrate happy occasions! For sure there are families that can and do offer security, love and support. But when it comes to dysfunctional relationships, often underneath the surface, groups, family or otherwise, can be a source of manipulation, control and suffering.
At first, relationships may seem like threads of connection, giving comfort and safety. But over time, those same threads tighten, restricting movement, leaving you stuck and drained without realising how you got there. Such relationships can be dehumanising for those trapped within them, resulting in pain and suffering. Another way to imagine toxic relations is through the metaphor of playground roundabout. In the beginning, as you step onto the roundabout, there is laughter and excitement, but as everyone pushes with their feet and the roundabout speeds up, very soon the momentum can become overwhelming. For some, frightening. Nobody is steering, yet everyone is spinning, pulled into cycles of blame, duty, guilt and pain. What appears as connection is entrapment, with each person being drawn into maintaining the spinning roundabout. The only option is to jump off and risk harm. And the fear of letting go means you decide to hold on even tighter to the toxic relationship.
The Hidden Nature of Toxicity
Toxic relationships thrive because they blur the line between care and control. You may be given affection, even moments of tenderness, only to be torn down later, made to feel small, incapable, or dependent. Attempts to assert your individuality are often belittled. Over time, you begin to doubt yourself: Am I overreacting? Am I the problem? Do I deserve this?
These patterns are not limited to any particular relationships; they can be found in a wide range of friendships, families, workplaces and communities. Across cultures, the common thread is control disguised as love and care, loyalty used as leverage, and conformity demanded at the expense of being true to yourself.
The Toll on the Individual
The impact of such relationships is profound. Confusion becomes your constant companion. One moment you are happy, the next you are in despair. You no longer know how to behave, what to say, or who you are. Many describe the experience as mentally exhausting, like being drained of energy and identity.
This is why so many people remain stuck in toxic relationships which can result in both mental and physical ill-health. They hold onto hope that things will change, that the cycle will break, that those around them will finally see their pain. But the roundabout spins on. The deeper tragedy is that victims often blame themselves, convinced that they are at fault, when the fault lies in the manipulative structures and people around them.
The Pin-Drop Moment
And yet, within the maze of toxic relationships, where it seems impossible to escape, in moments of quiet reflection or in conversation with trusted friends, hope can emerge. You see even in the darkest of moments, the flame of hope can emerge; A small inner voice whispers, this is not my fault!
This is the pin-drop moment representing the beginning of the first step on the path to freedom. Once you glimpse the cycle for what it is, your perspective rapidly changes, and the spell of control can begin to weaken. The possibility of stepping off the roundabout, though terrifying, starts to feel possible. Questions arise: Can I survive outside of this? Will I be alone? Will life get better? The answers are rarely immediate, but once your mindset changes and you rid yourself of guilt and start thinking of your needs and happiness, the old patterns of control being to unravel.
The Courage to Step Off
Leaving a toxic relationship, whether with a partner, family, friend or group, requires immense courage. Those who walk away are rarely celebrated. They may be accused of betrayal, selfishness or ingratitude. They may even be branded as dishonourable and worse. For women, in particular, the weight is often heavier, as they are expected to uphold traditions and keep families together. Yet, the truth is clear. The one who steps away is not the problem. To step away is not to betray, but an act of resistance and survival. It is an act of self-respect, of reclaiming dignity, of saying no more. It is the refusal to keep apologising or feeling guilty, but deciding to breathe again, to live again and, not in an egotistical way, to re-learn to love and value yourself as a human being.
Towards Healing and Renewal
Healing does not come overnight. The scars of manipulation, guilt and self-doubt take time to heal. Support from friends, therapy, faith or communities grounded in compassion rather than control can be vital. Setting small boundaries, such as saying no to unreasonable demands or carving out space for self-care, can mark the first steps to freedom.
Gradually, life off the roundabout becomes possible. Because of conditioning, it may feel lonely and sad at first, but with time can come peace, strength, healing and self-respect. And when one person steps away, it creates ripples. Others trapped in similar cycles begin to see that another path is possible. Even long-standing patterns can break, offering future generations the possibility of freedom rather than fear.
Finding the Way Forward
For those who recognise themselves in this article, the path ahead may feel daunting, yet it begins with small steps. The first is to recognise the signs: a healthy relationship should nurture growth, not diminish it. When you find yourself drained rather than uplifted, it is worth pausing to reflect on what is truly happening.
From there, it is important to seek safe support. Turn to those outside the toxic cycle who can listen to you without judgement and offer perspective without pressure. Even the simple act of being heard can begin to restore a sense of self-worth and respect.
Setting boundaries, however modest, is another crucial step. These do not need to be dramatic or final at the outset; starting with manageable actions helps to build confidence. At the same time, it is helpful to reframe the idea of loyalty. Genuine loyalty is rooted in compassion, not in blind obedience. To step away from a destructive cycle is not an act of selfishness, it is an affirmation of survival and self-respect.
Conclusion
Toxic relationships exist everywhere, in families, friendships, communities and workplaces. They thrive on control, guilt and silence, keeping individuals trapped in endless cycles. But with courage, awareness and support, it is possible to step away and regain your dignity and freedom. To leave is not to betray love or loyalty, but to reclaim them in your own terms. And when even one person chooses to step off the toxic roundabout, no doubt others will follow.
Manjit Kaur, a UK-based therapist and counsellor, is a presenter at the 1 Show Live at Panjab Broadcasting Channel, UK. She can be contacted via email at manjitkaur1show@gmail.com
ASIA SAMACHAR is an online newspaper for Sikhs / Punjabis in Southeast Asia and beyond. You can leave your comments at our website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We will delete comments we deem offensive or potentially libelous. You can reach us via WhatsApp +6017-335-1399 or email: asia.samachar@gmail.com. For obituary announcements, click here