By Simar Kaur | Singapore |
I have three children, all born within two years of each other. An elder daughter, Thiya Kaur, and fraternal boy-girl twins, Daya Singh and Liv Kaur. I adore them. I love being a mother. Being their mother.
For the most part, we look like the Instagram-perfect family.
Behind their cheeky smiles and my sleep-deprived but content Mum-face is a story that I have rarely told in full before; which is strange, considering how close it is to my heart and how life defining it was for me.
IVF, IVF, IVF
I had all my three children via IVF (in-vitro fertilisation), and my journey spanned six years — three rounds of IVF in three clinics, under different, highly recommended gynaecologists, countless injections, a battery of blood tests, counselling sessions and prayers.
This entailed three rounds of egg stimulations and retrievals, tens of thousands of dollars, cramps, discomfort, morning sickness, anxious awaiting of results with bated breath, and tears — owing to back-to- back disappointments.
The grand result of all of this: 27 eggs were retrieved, six embryos formed, three pregnancies, one miscarriage. And finally, finally, three healthy, beautiful children from two successful pregnancies.
Being a mother or a parent may not be for everyone, and that’s perfectly fine. For me, though, it was a part of my life I prioritised and envisioned even before marriage.
I have wonderful memories of my growing up years, where I received so much love from my parents and extended family. I have always wanted to be able to have children of my own to nurture, shape and develop, in a safe, comfortable and loving environment.
I imagined smothering my kids with hugs and kisses, having dance parties and pillow fights; and then, having meaningful conversations with them as they grew older.
‘A DEVASTATING REALITY’
I did not factor in the possibility of unexplained infertility; I doubt many women do, but it was a devastating reality for me.
There are so many aspects to (in)fertility that we don’t speak about enough — grief, miscarriage, IVF — the trauma on your mind, body and spirit. It is a rollercoaster journey with some unexpected twists and turns, and heartache.
Click here to read the full story.
Simar Kaur, 42, and her husband Malminderjit Singh, 44, are proud parents to their three children, Thiya, Daya and Liv. Ms Simar is a learning and development professional in a multinational company. This piece first appeared in The Birthday Book: Restart, a collection of 57 essays on what it means to have a new start in Singapore. The article was published at Today Online.
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(Asia Samachar, x 2022)
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