‘I’m divorced, so Sikh men don’t want me’

For five years I hardly went out, but in 2013 I started to look again for a partner - MINREET KAUR

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Minreet Kaur – Photo: BBC

By BBC | UK |

At 27, Minreet Kaur married a man she had met through a Sikh temple in west London. It turned out to be a disaster, and within a year she was back home with her parents. For 10 years now she has been hoping to find another husband, but has reached a bitter conclusion: most Sikh men don’t want to marry a divorcee.

“If you divorce me, you will never marry again,” my husband shouted at me before I left him. He said it to hurt me, but he knew it could turn out to be true. And so did I.

Divorce is shameful in the Sikh community, especially for women.

To begin with I was ashamed myself. I felt dirty and used. How could I look at another man when I knew he would regard me as used goods?

Other people reinforced this feeling.

My grandma in London told me I should have worked at my marriage, even though she knew what I had been through. My dad’s family in India said they were disappointed that I was home; I was a disgrace to them. My parents supported me 100% but I felt I had let them down.

For five years I hardly went out, but in 2013 I started to look again for a partner.

When I asked people to look out for a suitable man for me they would often be happy to help. They would start asking questions – how old I was, where I lived, where I worked – but as soon as told them I was divorced, their facial expression changed. It was a look that said, “we can’t help you”.

“I’ll let you know,” they told me.

Minreet Kaur is a henna artist and a freelance journalist who works for the BBC. She also contributes to Asia Samachar. Read the full story here.

 

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Independent and positive women rock, says freelance journo Min Kaur (Asia Samachar, 13 May 2019)

 

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3 COMMENTS

  1. Don’t blame Sikh man. There are so many man who have married divorcees even they remarried both are very happy some even have Kids. Maybe there is something wrong in how you put it out. Look for someone as equal to you in other countries.

  2. Yes, blame everything on ‘Sikh Men’ after just meeting a couple of men who could have disliked her for any number of reasons.What a generalization.This BBC writer should know that feelings don’t equal facts.
    I know many divorced women remarrying again.Some marrying twice after their divorce.That too with 2 kids.Very easy to blame others for your own shortcomings.Attraction is subjective,you can’t force someone to like you.And it’s so easy to blame everything on “Sikh Men” since they are supposed to be strong and just accept all the abuse and lies directed towards towards them.

    I to can write an article about Sikh Women rejecting divorced Sikh Men,rejecting Turbaned/Bearded men,rejecting Sikh men who wish to live with their parents,rejecting Sikh Men for so many other trivial reasons but I see no point in doing that as it doesn’t serve any real positive purpose and further divides our small community while not solving the actual issue.
    Gurfateh.

  3. Nine out of ten men Divorcees and Widowers [even with children and regardless of economic status or age] may get married within short period after obtaining this status as women and their families/friends and society has no objection or problem with it even if there may be a wide age gap between the two.
    Unfortunately Nine out of ten Women Divorcees and Widowers [even without children and highly educated and financially independent forget about those with children and low education and financially challenged] may not be able to get married mainly because of objections/adverse comments from families/friends and society which may look down on the widow/divorcee getting re-married and mayhas strong objections even if there may not be be any age gap between the two.
    It is long overdue that divorced/widowed ladies especially those financially independent disregard and ignore any objections of family/friends/society and get re-married if and when they are able to get a willing suitable/compatible partner. Otherwise living single/unmarried is becoming acceptable.
    Views based on personal experience and observations.
    An article titled WIDOWED PERSONS STATUS – DOUBLE STANDARDS was published in Asia Samachar some years ago. However those interested can request via e-mail >gursharan38@gmail.com<
    Gur Fateh

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