By Jagdesh Singh | Opinion |
I was 26, and had just got off the call with my girlfriend, telling her that I was fine adjusting to the foreign weather. It was a cool Indian evening, and for some reason the outer ring of the full moon clearly etched in the bluish darkness of the sky reminded me of some painting.
“Is everything alright, my boy?” Uncle Surindernath asks me while he sat in his chair also musing silently about the same full moon, but maybe not the same painting. Because of my abject conversational skills in Punjabi, I followed Uncle closely everywhere in that trip, appreciating his company because he spoke immaculate English.
“All is fine, Uncle. Calling home to my girlfriend to tell her I’m well taken care of.”, I responded rather sheepishly. And then, just out of nowhere, he stares at me with a serious look with an equally serious tone, “Beta, can I share some advice with you, even though I hardly know you?”. This will soon be his typical way of operating with me, always intertwining his advice graciously while talking about nothing over the next 18 years.
I nodded unsurely, scrambling to remember if I unintentionally said or did something rude or untoward in this Ashram I found myself in.
“Beta, do you believe in freedom in thought and freedom in action?”
“I guess so, Uncle.” I replied still unsure what I did to spark this newly forming conversation.
He then explains to me that in spirituality, there should never be any compulsion from anyone, especially from the more spiritually elevated souls. It was as if he read mind. It was my first time in any ashram, and I always had the impression that religious discipline and vigor was course for par in such places. Yet, I found myself in this relaxed environment with hardly any expectation, further encouraged by this wise sagely looking man with flowing beard, white as snow.
But then he took it a step further.
“When you do get married, maybe with that girlfriend of yours, and have children, make sure you remember this, my boy. Always allow them freedom in thought and freedom in action.”
He goes on to explain that children are not to be forced to follow religious rules just for the sake of conforming, dictated by someone’s interpretation of spirituality.
“Children are God’s gift to parents. We do not own these gifts. We are to be their servants. Sure, we need to guide them and teach them, but we do not own their thoughts and their actions. They must have freedom in thought, and freedom in action, my boy!”
Years later, with 2 teenaged girls and another tween, their mother and I still struggle to hold on to this advice given so many years in advance. We often fall back on the premise that our forced guidance is for their safety in this cruel world. That we know better. There are times when we reason with them, especially the older ones, and they seem to understand where we’re coming from and comply. But most of the time, they comply for the sake of cutting the lecture short. When it comes to our religion, we have been a bit more successful in not forcing onto them our beliefs, allowing them to be more liberal but hoping they’d see why we have chosen those beliefs ourselves.
When I come think about it, this phrase ‘Freedom in thought, freedom in action’ is so relevant for us adults as well. In today’s world of fractured extremes, extremes in different ideas, extremes in different ideologies, even in different approaches towards performing selfless service, there never is any allowance to agree to disagree.
If there is to be freedom in thought and freedom in action to be practised as a way of life, then we should be sharing our ideas vocally with the other camp, not dismiss their responses and sharing. Of course, most of the time, our passions get in the way, and we take things personally. We are only human, after all.
But I’ve seen not taking sides as a sound strategy as well. More than often, both sides have their reasons and justifications that make complete sense, especially from each of their own perspective. It may not be the safest strategy to win friends, but being neutral is the safest to not get embroiled in endless debates and empowers the basic principle that humans are to have freedom in thought and freedom in action. This is the most basic of our human rights.
Uncle Surindernath’s advice has far reaching wisdom. It should really be common sense. Because it’s made complete sense to me then, and it’s making complete sense to me now.
I’m writing this more for my own recollection, and as a reminder of that cool night, when I had my first conversation about being practical in our spiritual journey with my dear Uncle Surindernath.
Jagdesh Singh, a Kuala Lumpur-based executive with a US multinational company, is a father of three girls who are as opinionated as their mother
* This is the opinion of the writer, organisation or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of Asia Samachar.
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