By Jagdesh Singh | Opinion |
Growing as a straight Malaysian teenager in the early 90s, I’ve had tendencies towards the typical misogynistic view that men are superior to women in most aspects in life. We were very conservative at home, my sister was guardedly protected from the more liberal western ways of dressing and carrying herself in public. I, however, enjoyed the direct opposite fashion sense of girls I interacted with. In other words, I never minded how sexy they dressed and even had relationships with these girls, who were more liberal in all ways they carried themselves. I’m not proud of this hypocrisy and double standards, mind you.
Now reaching half a century in age, culture and awareness over the years have changed my perception and my ideas about equality of the sexes. Society has changed too, where our principles about racism, sexism and ageism have evolved away from being too conservative. I can say this confidently of society made of my generation, Gen X. One simple example of this change in heart is my embrace of my friends being from the LGBTQ community. Back in the 90s, I demonised anybody gay let alone accept them for who they are. Today, I’ve a few of my close friends who are openly gay and we have gotten closer after their coming out. My point is, our ideals and ideas about the people around us have changed as an evolved society. The more we personally know of their struggles, the more accepting we have become of them. Our innate humane nature tends to make us accept the genuine struggles of those close to us when we are made aware through experiences.
This change is also very apparent in one major facet of our culture which is the entertainment media we consume on a regular basis. Hollywood has always been manufacturing entertainment predominantly leaning towards liberal ideals since its inception but surprisingly Bollywood, which has always the more conservative nature of my background and culture a little closer to home, has now followed suit. I’ve come across movies and tv series over the past few years with messages of equality and of feminist characters at the forefront, at the same time creating that appreciation typically borne from creating awareness.
I’d like to think that my more liberal leanings on equality have grown considerably with the introduction of three daughters in my life, initially borned from marrying a strong willed independent woman. My daughters’ upbringing is way less conservative than how me and my better half were brought up in the 80s and 90s. We’ve tried very hard to nurture in all three of them a strong sense of equality in all facets of their lives. They have been brought up to think and speak as equals to anybody of different race, religion and sex. Playing competitively in a male dominated sport like football, training and being opponents to boys in their early ages, further nurtured this sense of equality.
So, we have this liberal feminist mindset covered. It is though only one large part of the puzzle.
Here’s another facet of feminism that, in all brutal honesty, I still personally struggle with – The outward appearances of being more liberal and western. I don’t like any of my daughters to dress skimpily showing too much skin. The more skin, the more uncomfortable and grumpy I get. You might say this is totally contradictory towards the liberal feministic mindset that I bragged about earlier. You’re right! Girls and women, like my daughters, should be free to dress however they would want to express themselves outwardly to the world.
While you’re right in your assertion, I’m still reluctant to change my mind. Allow me to explain. I’ve personally been privy to many conversations amongst men my age where the banter about women and girls can get very insensitive and even vulgar. Fathers with daughters would joke vulgarly about girls and women of the same age as their own daughters. It’s perverse and sometimes disgusting. Once or twice, I was told to get off my high horse after attempting to lecture these men while reminding them of our own daughters.
When I became aware of the Epstien files, I’m reminded of these conversations because of the vulgarity of old men sexually objectifying young girls. After introspection I realize this as one of the main reasons why I don’t want my daughters to be part of these vulgar conversations. I don’t want old men to objectify and lust over the way my daughters dress especially if much skin is exhibited.
My youngest is a young teenager now. She is also aware of the Epstien files, even exposed to them rather graphically thanks to social media sharings. She lamented fearfully on how barbaric humans can be. This was the perfect opportunity for me to explain my own stubborn strictness of disallowing her to dress with much skin shown. Even though the old men around us predominantly aren’t as harmful, evil and horrific as Epstien yet they can be vulgar. Not all will be harmless as well. She needed to understand that we live in a dangerous world, not ideal many times for girls like her to be able to express herself outwardly in the way she dresses. While we have progressed with the education of equality, unfortunately basic instincts can always rear ugly heads.
Safety always comes first.
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Jagdesh Singh, a Kuala Lumpur-based executive with a US multinational company, is a father of three girls who are as opinionated as their mother
* This is the opinion of the writer, organisation or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of Asia Samachar.
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