I only realised I’d been catfished when I flew to Singapore and my girlfriend wasn’t there

By Anonymous | MetroUK | Britain |

In lockdown, I turned 39 and reluctantly signed up for multiple dating apps as I had given everything else a go.

Basically, I didn’t want to be single when I turned 40 – for the eighth year in a row.

I kept being encouraged by friends to use Plenty of Fish, and Tinder – as well as Asian Date (an app specifically for Asians) and Shaadi, which is an Asian marriage app.

All I wanted was a Sikh woman to settle down with, to get married and have kids, but I’d had enough of the dating game and was feeling quite low.

After swiping left for most women, I came across a lady who seemed perfect for me. She was from the Sikh community, didn’t drink or eat meat and seemed like she had similar interests to me. Her photo was simple and she looked nice. I’ll call her Sandi.

She did live in Singapore, which is thousands of miles away from me in the UK but I’d had my location set to ‘worldwide’ so, all things considered, I decided to swipe right.

I couldn’t wait to speak to her and messaged her instantly to ask how she was and what she’s looking for in a person. She replied, we exchanged numbers and spoke on the phone, every day.

I had been feeling vulnerable and was fed up with women in the UK, as it seemed like they just wanted to waste my time, and were very arrogant. To me, this seemed too good to be true – I thought I’d hit the jackpot.

Soon after we matched, we were messaging daily. She was gentle, kind, always making the effort to call and be there for me – she truly sounded like she would be the perfect wife.

I had never expected this when I had signed up to try dating apps but, within just a few months I was head over heels in love. I told her how I felt. She responded saying she felt the same.

Being someone who is quite trustworthy, I didn’t see the signs at all until it was too late.

We mainly used WhatsApp to communicate and every time I’d ask for a video call, she would make an excuse. This was usually the fact that she wasn’t able to as she lived in an extended household, and was a carer for her grandmother.

As the culture is exactly this, I wanted her to feel reassured that I understood, particularly because she told me that she’d experienced a lot of judgement from previous guys she’d spoken to. Men would ask if she was a virgin, how many guys she has dated, whether she planned to live with in-laws after getting married, and so on.

We continued to speak and, over that time, she convinced me that she’d move to the UK to live with my family. We agreed this would happen in the next year or so. She told me she needed to finish some exams first, as she was studying to be a lawyer, so she could get a job.

I told my family that I had met someone online and that I wanted to marry her. They weren’t keen as they knew nothing about her and felt that it was too rushed.

Then, one day – after we’d been messaging for two months – she asked for me to send her £5,000 to help support her with her bills.

Read the full story, ‘I only realised I’d been catfished when I flew to Singapore and my girlfriend wasn’t there’ (MetroUK, 20 March 2022), here.



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